A Devil's Dictionary for Musicians
By LESLIE DREYER

A

A CAPPELLA. Pocketing the accompanist's fee by performing alone.
ABBANDONAMENTE. The cessation of child-support by a divorced musician.
ABRUPT CADENCE. A solo performer's memory lapse.
ACCELERANDO. The natural tendency to rush a series of eighth or sixteenth notes.
AMATEUR. A concert artist who is reduced to making a living as a dentist or orthopedic surgeon.
ATTACCA. A prison in Italy famous for violent uprisings.

B

BARITONE. A tenor lacking high notes.
BOW. A weapon of wood and horsehair wielded by string-players to attack their instruments and poke out the eyes of stand-partners.
BRASS. Orchestral weapons of mass aural destruction.
BURDEN. (1) A song's refrain. (2) A bagpipe's drone. (3) A musician's family.
BURLESCA. An Italian maestro conducting a German opera.

C

CALMATO. A Greek olive.
CALORE, CON. The cuisine of overweight opera singers.
CANON. The chaos ensuing after a musician makes a wrong entrance and stubbornly refuses to drop out.
CAVATINA. A tiny cavity in an opera singer's tooth.
CHAMBER ORCHESTRA. The survivors of a symphony's budget cutback.
COMIC OPERA. An opera in which no one gets murdered except the composer.
COPERTO. A concerto dedicated to a policeman.
CREMONA. A Strad made in Cleveland.
CROTCHET. An elderly orchestra member who refuses to retire.

D

DA CAPO. The personnel manager of an orchestra in Sicily.
DIATONIC. A soda containing no sugar.
DIVISI. A symphony orchestra during contract negotiations.
DOMINANT. The mother or spouse of a concert artist.

E

EINGANG. A visiting foreign orchestra in Vienna.
EXPOSITION. A musical theme presented early, while the audience is still awake.

F

FIDDLE. The instrument played by a second-violinist.
FLAUTIST. A pretentious flute-player; also known as a flauntist.
FULL ORCHESTRA. An ensemble of musicians performing immediately after a heavy meal.

G

GEFALLEN. A musician fired from the Berlin Philharmonic.
GENTILEMENTE. Musicians who are not Jewish.
GRACE NOTE. A note printed too small to be seen, and too fast to be played.
GROUND BASS. A minced fish delicious with black bean sauce.
GUEST CONDUCTOR. A foreign maestro short of cash.

H

HARMONIC. A deliberate squeak on a stringed instrument.
HEXACHORD. To jinx a chord with a wrong note.

I

IMPERFECT CADENCE. A musical ending marred by a musician hanging onto a note.
INHARMONIC RELATION. A musician's mother-in-law.
INNER VOICE. The conscience of a tyrannical conductor or faking musician.

L

LA. The syllable sung by singers when forgetting lyrics.
LARGHETTO. A big urban area inhabited by an ethnic minority.
LEGATO. An Italian cat.
LIGATURE. A Band-Aid for holding bleeding notes together.
LYRE. A living musician who claims to have played under Toscanini.

M

MANUSCRIPT. Indecipherable music.
MEISTERSINGER. A German opera singer with a good press agent.
MESSA, MESSE. A disastrous musical performance.
MOVABLE DO. Negotiable stolen bank notes.
MUSICA SACRA. A chronic pain in the lower back of musicians.

N

NEIGHBOR TONES. The sound of a stereo or Steinway from an adjoining or overhead apartment.
NICHT SCHLEPPEN. Fast as hell.
NONETTO. An undistinguished Italian maestro; a nobody.

O

OBERWERK. A common complaint of musicians and opera singers.
OBOE. A double-reed instrument played by a conical bore.
OCARINA. The breakfast cereal of Italian opera singers.
OMNITONIC. A high-test fuel for a small foreign car.
OPERA. A musical drama that is either tragic or comic, depending on the sobriety and waistlines of its singers.
OPERA BUFF. A maniacal person who, when asked the time of day, will provide a comparison of tenors and coloraturas.
ORCHESTRATION. Work for a music arranger with connections.

P

PADEREWSKI. A musician's small apartment in Poland.
PADIGLIONE. A musician's large apartment in Italy.
PASSING NOTES. A musician's successful cashing of counterfeit bills.
PHILHARMONIC PITCH. A fund-raising plea for a symphony orchestra.
PIANO. (1) Not soft enough. (2) A keyboard instrument invented by the moving-van industry to insure its prosperity.
PIU. An exclamation heard from listeners at a malodorous musical performance.
POLYPHONY. Many musicians talking simultaneously at an orchestra meeting.
PRESTO. Unplayable; a blur.
PRIMGEIGER. A German violinist with a starched shirt and pressed tux.
PRIMO. The loudest player in an ensemble.
PROMPTER. A conductor concealed in a box because he cannot afford a tux.

R

RADICAL BASS. A male singer with a low voice and left-wing ideas.
RECAPITULATION. A reminder of a theme better forgotten.
RELATIVE PITCH. Recommending a cousin for a gig.
RUBATO. (1) Criminal musical license for a performer. (2) A mugged musician.
RUNS. A severe gastric disorder of musicians on tour.

S

SALTARELLO. An Italian canapé cracker.
SCENARIO. An altercation between opera singers and conductors at a dress rehearsal.
SCHWINGUNG. A jazz band in Germany.
SFUMATO. An opera orchestra pit sprayed by an exterminator.
SHOFAR. A Jewish French horn.
SLUR. A remark made by one musician or singer about another.
STABILE. A musician with a steady job.
STRAD. A violin probably made in Wisconsin or New Jersey.
STRAPPATO. A musician deeply in debt.
SUBDOMINANT. An assistant conductor.
SUPERDOMINANT. A conductor's wife.

T

TIME SIGNATURE. Bulova, Gruen, etc.
TONE ROW. Condemned notes awaiting execution.
TREBLE. A conductor's salary compared to a musician's.
TRIAD. Three musicians rooted with a perfect fifth in a bar.
TRIANGLE. Two violists in love with a harpist.

U

UNISON. Almost together.
UP-BEAT. A sudden gesture of a conductor's baton before a bar-line that invariably causes a premature entrance from one or more musicians.

V

VALSE. An exclamation from a German conductor when a musician plays out of tune.
VOLANTE. A musician high on drugs.
VOLUNTARY. A concert with bouncing checks.
VOX ANGELICA. An opera singer with a high salary.
VOX HUMANA. An opera singer with a medium salary.

W

WALDSTEIN SONATA. A piano piece dedicated to a Bronx grocer.
WALPURGISNACHT. A Saturday evening opera performance after a long matinée.
WOODWIND. A wooden instrument blown by a brazen cane-raiser.

Y

YODEL. A yell from a Swiss yokel.

Z

ZUG. The slide of a trombone, and the sound of a trombonist guzzling beer.
 

I

Tampa Bay Symphony
P.O. Box 4653, Clearwater, Florida 33758
(727)442-3696 Email: info at Tampa Bay Symphony

Tampa Bay Symphony, Inc. is recognized by the IRS as exempt under section 501(C)(3) and is registered as a charitable organization with the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, registration number CH15538.

This program funded in part with the support of the Pinellas County Cultural Affairs Department, the Cultural Council, the Pinellas County board of County Commissioners, the Florida Department of State through the Division of Cultural Affairs, the Florida Arts Council, the City of St. Petersburg and the estate of Clara K. Dalzell. Copyright © 2008 Tampa Bay Symphony

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